Socialization

When Mental Effort Leads to Exhaustion

I’m so freaking tired.

The constant mental effort required to keep up with all the skills required to interact with others is something I have struggled with my whole life. And it’s not like it’s just with people I don’t know or like, it’s interactions with anyone - even people who I love (like today). There’s just so much that goes into it. I have to listen to what people are saying and make sure I’m actually processing it and make sure I have the correct facial expression on so they know that I’m listening and learn to read their facial expressions so that I know that they get what I’m saying or that I’m not missing something they’re trying to say without words and look them in the eye but not too much and come up with something to say back and make sure it is coherent/fits with the convo and make sure I say it fast enough so that there’s not an awkward lull and I think you get my point. And yes, that was a very long run-on sentence, but I feel like it accurately captures how exhausting this can be. And the longer the conversation goes on, the harder it becomes to do those things so I start to focus more on how to keep up with them than on just doing them, so I tend to slip up a lot. And I really do mean a lot - the majority of the time. And it’s tiring and frustrating. 

I did a lot of social interaction today with one of my favorite people. I did it relatively successfully. And this person is someone who I can be more myself with than others, yet it was still difficult. When I write dialogue between my characters, there are times where it comes so easily to me and I just wish it could be that easy in real life sometimes. Sometimes I try to memorize some of my dialogue and/or memorize dialogue from other books I like with the hope that I can fit it into a real life conversation somewhere, but it never translates like I wish it would. 

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a little. Fictional characters are easier than real life people.